Celebrities and Domestic Violence

Fame and fortune do not insulate anyone from domestic violence.  It is a crime that crosses all socioeconomic and cultural lines. You would think that having the financial means to walk away would prevent repeat incidents but as you will see from the gallery below, most of the victims endured repeated episodes of abuse. Its hard to fathom that the average number of times an abuser hits his spouse before she makes a police report is 35.
 A statistic like that says so much about the self-worth a women feels and even more so when a woman (or man) can walk away without financial ruin. While our focus is on helping women who don't have the means to take care of themselves and their children, it is important to remember that abuse victims likely walk among us. Domestic violence is not just an issue for the poor.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/galleries/2010/12/04/celebrity-domestic-violence.html#slide1

"A woman is the full circle.  Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.
                                                                                                         ~Diane Mariechild

While one of our most important and involved board members is a man, we at A Night Out are mainly a group of women striving to help other women. We've already talked about how the feeling of empowerment is an important piece in getting these women to the point where they can envision a better world for themselves and their children.  Women helping women is a mantra for us that you will see over and over as our organization grows. If we can help them feel better, we feel better.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway."~John Wayne

We mentioned yesterday the writings of Judith Lewis Herman, MD on the subject of recovering from trauma. While our role in offering support and diversion may seem small, we feel it plays an important part in lightening the psychological load our women carry.

Three Stages of Recovery from Trauma

Judith Lewis Herman, renowned clinical psychiatrist at Harvard University Medical School has written extensively about trauma and recovery. In her book, Trauma and Recovery, she describes the three stages of recovery from abuse and other traumas as follows:

1. establishing safety
2. reconstructing the traumatic story
3. restoring the connection between the survivor and the community

Part of our mission at A Night Out is to address the connection to community. If, by taking these women out of their environment for an evening, we can show them that there is safety with us and understanding of their plight, then we will have succeeded.

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."~Anais Nin

Are there always signs?

So, it turns out, as it always seems to, that the good-guy image of the abuser/killer had undertones there all along. Oscar Pistorius, now charged with pre-meditated murder in the shooting death of his girlfriend had a fascination with guns, which, among other dangerous tastes was detailed in a story written one year ago by acclaimed sportswriter, Buzz Bissinger:

When it comes to Pistorius, go back in the archives of The New York Times Magazine to January 18, 2012, and read the piece by Michael Sokolove, for my money the best long-form journalist on sports in the country.

Sokolove clearly liked Pistorius. He also showed a side of the man that Sokolove ultimately dubbed as an “adrenaline freak” (although an out-of-his-mind freakin’ danger freak would have been more accurate): a penchant for driving cars 155 miles per hour on roads with standing water; the crash of his boat that required 172 stitches; a keen interest in guns and shooting, keeping dangerous animals as pets.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/02/15/the-unwarranted-mythology-of-oscar-pistorius.html

 Pistorius and his girlfriend had only been dating for two months. What kind of tempestuous dynamic falls into place in such a short time? Its hard not to argue that Pistorius' dangerous interests were a sign of darkness in his character?

The Sad Story of Oscar Pistorius

Many of us who are fans of the Olympics awoke to horrible news this morning.  Oscar Pistorius, the legendary South African runner, who had both legs amputated below the knee before his first birthday was charged with murder this morning in the shooting death of his girlfriend. Pistorius won two gold medals and a silver at last year’s Paralympic Games in London and reached the 400-meter semifinal and 4x400 meter relay in the regular Olympics.  The first stories that surfaced were that perhaps she had entered his home unannounced and been mistaken for an intruder. Hours later, more stories appeared that indicated a history of domestic disturbances.
It's hard to hear this story, given the gun control debate in the news, and not think about what a different outcome there might have been had a gun not been in the house. Maybe Pistorius would have hit her or knocked her down-warning enough for her to flee for good but with a gun part of the equation, she sadly didn't have that option.
Our hearts go out to this 30-year old victim, who had her whole life ahead of her. Oscar Pistorius was, until today, thought of as a hero who overcame great adversity and was a good role model. This sad story should serve as a reminder that anyone among us could be an abuser and the signs are often not there until its too late....more on this story tomorrow.