1 in 4 Women will be victims of Domestic Violence

One in four women will experience domestic violence in their lives. It is the leading cause of injury to women in the United States. According to the Illinois Department of Public Health, a women is beaten every 15 seconds in this country. And there is fallout beyond the initial injury, in that 3 million children annually will witness that abuse, many of whom will go on to abusive relationships themselves.

http://www.who.int/violence_injury_prevention/violence/global_campaign/16_days/en/index7.html 

The cycle will not be broken with what A Night Out provides, but it will briefly lighten the load for the women who are struggling minute-to-minute with how to move past their current situation.

"I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves."
                                                                           ~Mary Wollstonecraft

Celebrities and Domestic Violence

Fame and fortune do not insulate anyone from domestic violence.  It is a crime that crosses all socioeconomic and cultural lines. You would think that having the financial means to walk away would prevent repeat incidents but as you will see from the gallery below, most of the victims endured repeated episodes of abuse. Its hard to fathom that the average number of times an abuser hits his spouse before she makes a police report is 35.
 A statistic like that says so much about the self-worth a women feels and even more so when a woman (or man) can walk away without financial ruin. While our focus is on helping women who don't have the means to take care of themselves and their children, it is important to remember that abuse victims likely walk among us. Domestic violence is not just an issue for the poor.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/galleries/2010/12/04/celebrity-domestic-violence.html#slide1

"A woman is the full circle.  Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.
                                                                                                         ~Diane Mariechild

While one of our most important and involved board members is a man, we at A Night Out are mainly a group of women striving to help other women. We've already talked about how the feeling of empowerment is an important piece in getting these women to the point where they can envision a better world for themselves and their children.  Women helping women is a mantra for us that you will see over and over as our organization grows. If we can help them feel better, we feel better.

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway."~John Wayne

We mentioned yesterday the writings of Judith Lewis Herman, MD on the subject of recovering from trauma. While our role in offering support and diversion may seem small, we feel it plays an important part in lightening the psychological load our women carry.

Three Stages of Recovery from Trauma

Judith Lewis Herman, renowned clinical psychiatrist at Harvard University Medical School has written extensively about trauma and recovery. In her book, Trauma and Recovery, she describes the three stages of recovery from abuse and other traumas as follows:

1. establishing safety
2. reconstructing the traumatic story
3. restoring the connection between the survivor and the community

Part of our mission at A Night Out is to address the connection to community. If, by taking these women out of their environment for an evening, we can show them that there is safety with us and understanding of their plight, then we will have succeeded.

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."~Anais Nin

Are there always signs?

So, it turns out, as it always seems to, that the good-guy image of the abuser/killer had undertones there all along. Oscar Pistorius, now charged with pre-meditated murder in the shooting death of his girlfriend had a fascination with guns, which, among other dangerous tastes was detailed in a story written one year ago by acclaimed sportswriter, Buzz Bissinger:

When it comes to Pistorius, go back in the archives of The New York Times Magazine to January 18, 2012, and read the piece by Michael Sokolove, for my money the best long-form journalist on sports in the country.

Sokolove clearly liked Pistorius. He also showed a side of the man that Sokolove ultimately dubbed as an “adrenaline freak” (although an out-of-his-mind freakin’ danger freak would have been more accurate): a penchant for driving cars 155 miles per hour on roads with standing water; the crash of his boat that required 172 stitches; a keen interest in guns and shooting, keeping dangerous animals as pets.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/02/15/the-unwarranted-mythology-of-oscar-pistorius.html

 Pistorius and his girlfriend had only been dating for two months. What kind of tempestuous dynamic falls into place in such a short time? Its hard not to argue that Pistorius' dangerous interests were a sign of darkness in his character?

The Sad Story of Oscar Pistorius

Many of us who are fans of the Olympics awoke to horrible news this morning.  Oscar Pistorius, the legendary South African runner, who had both legs amputated below the knee before his first birthday was charged with murder this morning in the shooting death of his girlfriend. Pistorius won two gold medals and a silver at last year’s Paralympic Games in London and reached the 400-meter semifinal and 4x400 meter relay in the regular Olympics.  The first stories that surfaced were that perhaps she had entered his home unannounced and been mistaken for an intruder. Hours later, more stories appeared that indicated a history of domestic disturbances.
It's hard to hear this story, given the gun control debate in the news, and not think about what a different outcome there might have been had a gun not been in the house. Maybe Pistorius would have hit her or knocked her down-warning enough for her to flee for good but with a gun part of the equation, she sadly didn't have that option.
Our hearts go out to this 30-year old victim, who had her whole life ahead of her. Oscar Pistorius was, until today, thought of as a hero who overcame great adversity and was a good role model. This sad story should serve as a reminder that anyone among us could be an abuser and the signs are often not there until its too late....more on this story tomorrow.

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” ~Alice Walker

Enable: to make able, give power

“It doesn’t matter who you are, or where you came from. The ability to triumph begins with you. Always.” ~Oprah Winfrey
 

Sometimes the word "enabling" has a bad connotation but at A Night Out, we see it as a powerful tool to help our women envision a better life for themselves.  As we gear up for our events, which will include a Spa Night, a bowling night, visits to a comedy club and other entertainment activities, it is our belief that taking these women out of their situation for even one evening, will help them see that there is a life after the upheaval.  They will be reminded of what it feels like to not walk around with a heavy heart all the time. We believe our services will uplift these women and help them realize there is a world out there that isn't all about fear and pain.  They will see that there are people who care about them and their children and want to be supportive and understanding.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

 

There is nothing funny about domestic violence. It is sad and scary. But laughter is everywhere. If we can take a sad, scared person out of her world for an afternoon or evening and make her laugh, then maybe she'll remember that life can be different than the today she's living in. We can surround her with the support of other women who care about her plight and make her feel worthy.  

Laughter is good for your health

• Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
• Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
• Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.

Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

http://www.helpguide.org/life/humor_laughter_health.htm

 “You don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step.”
   Martin Luther King Jr.

Dr. King's quote has meaning not only for the women we are trying to help but for those of us at A Night Out who hope to reach our supporters in a variety of ways.  In writing this blog at the inception of our organization, its hard to know if anyone even sees it yet. But, we will try to make our voice heard. When our events begin in April, we will shout it from the rooftops. Please check back often for news, not only about us but about the issues relating to domestic violence.

50 Facts About Domestic Violence

1. Number of U.S. troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq: 6,614:
2. Number of women, in the same period, killed as the result of domestic violence in the US: 11,766
3. Number of people per minute who experience intimate partner violence in the U.S.: 24
4. Number of workplace violence incidents in the U.S. annually that are the result of current or past intimate partner assaults: 18,700
5. Number of women in the U.S. who report intimate partner violence: 1 in 4
6. Number of men in the U.S. who report intimate partner violence: 1 in 7*
7. Number of women who will experience partner violence worldwide: 1 in 3
8. Order of causes of death for European women ages 16-44: domestic violence, cancer, traffic accidents
9. Increase in likelihood that a woman will die a violent death if a gun in present in the home: 270 percent
10. Number of women killed by spouses who were shot by guns kept by men in the home in France and South Africa: 1 in 3
11. Percentage of the 900 million small arms that are kept in the home, worldwide: 75
12. Country in which 943 women were killed in honor killings in 2011: Pakistan
13. City in which man "butchered" his wife in front of their six children in 2012: Berlin
14. States in which man decapitated his wife with a chainsaw in 2010 and another man did the same, respectively: Texas and New York
15. Percentages of people killed in the U.S. by an intimate partner: 30 percent of women, 5.3 percent of men.
16. Number of gay and bisexual men who experience domestic violence in the U.S.: 2 in 5 (similar to heterosexual women)
17. Percentage of the 31 Senate votes cast against the Violence Against Women Act that came from older, white, male Republicans: 95.8
18. Percentage of the 31 Senate votes cast against the Violence Against Women Act that came from a younger, male Republicans, at least one of whom sits on the Science Committee but is unable to say how old the Earth is: 4.2
19. Number of legal, medical, professional, faith-based and advocacy groups that signed a letter protesting the stripped-down VAWA: 300
20. First year that the Republican-led House of Representatives eroded VAWA of provisions designed to increase protections for Native Americans, immigrant women, members of the LGTBQ community and, yes, men: 2012
21. Estimated number of children, worldwide, exposed to domestic violence everyday: 10,000,000
22. Worldwide, likelihood that a man who grew up in a household with domestic violence grows up to be an abuser: 3 to 4 times more likely than if he hadn't.
23. Chance that a girl of high school age in the U.S. experiences violence in a dating relationship: 1 in 3
24. Percentage of teen rape and abuse victims who report their assailant as an intimate: 76
25. Percentage of U.S. cities citing domestic abuse as the primary cause of homelessness: 50
26. Percentage of homeless women reporting domestic abuse: 63
27. Percentage of homeless women with children reporting domestic abuse: 92
28. Percentage of women with disabilities who report violence: 40
29. Annual cost of domestic violence in the U.S. related to health care: $5.8 billion
30. Annual cost of domestic violence in the U.S. related to emergency care plus legal costs, police work, lost productivity: 37 billion dollars
31. Annual number of jobs lost in the U.S. as a result of intimate partner violence: 32,000
32. Percentage change between 1980 and 2008 of women and men killed by intimate partners in the U.S.: (w) 43 percent to 45 percent; (m) 10 percent to 5 percent
33. Average cost of emergency care for domestic abuse related incidents for women and men according to the CDC: $948.00 for women, $387 for men
34. Increase in portrayals of violence against girls and women on network TV during a five year period ending in 2009: 120 percent
35. The number one cause of death for African American women ages 15-34 according to the American Bar Association: homicide at the hands of a partner
36. Chance that a lesbian** in the U.S. will experience domestic (not necessarily intimate partner) violence: 50 percent
37. Chances that a gay man experiences domestic violence: 2 out of 5*
38. Ratio of women shot and killed by a husband or intimate partner compared to the total number of murders of men by strangers using any time of weapon, from 2002 homicide figures: 3X
39. Number of people who will be stalked in their lifetimes: 1 in 45 men and 1 in 12 women (broken out: 17 percent of American Indian and Alaska Native women; 8.2 percent of white women, 6.5 pecent of African American women, and 4.5 percent of Asian/Pacific Islander women)
40. Percentage of stalkers identified as known to victims: 90.3
41. Percentage of abused women in the U.S. who report being strangled by a spouse in the past year: 33 to 47.3 (this abuse often leaves no physical signs)
42. According to one study, percentage of domestic abuse victims who are tried to leave after less severe violent and nonviolent instances of abuse: 66 versus less than 25
43. Average number of times an abuser hits his spouse before she makes a police report: 35
44. No. 1 and No. 2 causes of women's deaths during pregnancy in the U.S.: Domestic homicide and suicide, often tied to abuse
45. Number of women killed by spouses who were shot by guns kept by men in the home in the United States: 2 in 3
46. Percentage of rape and sexual assault victims under the age of 18 who are raped by a family member: 34
47. Number of women killed everyday in the U.S. by a spouse: 3+
48. The primary reason cited by right-wing conservatives for objecting to the Violence Against Women Act: To protect the family.
49. Percentage reduction in reports of violence after men and women in South Africa went through an educational training program on health, domestic violence and gender norms: 55
50. Number of members of Congress who have gone through an educational training program on health, economics, violence, and gender norms: 0

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-actual-facts-about-dom_b_2193904.html

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

A 2010 Center for Disease Control and Prevention study found that one in five women and nearly one in seven men who were ever raped, physically assaulted or stalked by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of partner violence between the ages of 11 and 17.

http://www.safestartcenter.org/resources/teen-dating-violence-month.php

Valentine's Day is next week. It is a time to celebrate love. But, for many young people, the idea of love and intimacy is distorted by an early experience of abuse at the hands of someone they know and care about. 

This tells us that the cycle of partner violence often starts very early in life, most likely when children witness abuse at the hands of the adults in their lives.  

Domestic abuse is a problem that crosses socioeconomic, racial and demographic lines.  The statistic from the CDC tells us how widespread it is.  We need to promote the idea that the problem can be addressed at a young age, when children are still impressionable and believe in the goodness of people they trust.

“A smile is the beginning of peace.”
                           -Mother Teresa

For most of us, when we lay our head down at night, we can sleep with the knowledge that we are safe in our beds. Our children can sleep peacefully and have sweet dreams. A Night Out was an idea born of the recognition that this isn’t true for everyone. Women who are victims of domestic violence can not know that feeling of well-being because they live with fear. Even during times of relative quiet, they wait for the next explosive event that may put their very existence at risk.


There is a stigma attached to being a victim of this kind of abuse, especially when it leads to a stay in a shelter.  It often means isolation from the everyday world as these women must focus on their safety first and plan for a future without the means to put a plan in place.

It is our mission and heartfelt goal to lessen the stigma and bring even a small measure of hope to the women of Chicago living with this overwhelming struggle for survival, while at the same time they must try to protect the innocence of their children.
 
As we officially kick off our A Night Out blog, we hope you will continue to follow and hopefully, support our ongoing effort to bring a respite, however small to the women living this struggle. In addition to bringing you the latest news of our events and fundraising efforts, we will also look at some of the issues and research that helps explain how women in this predicament can break the cycle and make a better life for themselves and their children.


Please follow us as we continue to gear up for our first event in April 2013. We really hope and believe a night at Second City or a bowling party or a Spa Night will remind the women we’re hoping to reach that there is life on the other side of strife and upheaval. A smile truly is the beginning of peace. A simple, yet profound truth.